


you've been lonely (too long)

by aud



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Post-The Dream Thieves, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2188857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aud/pseuds/aud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They are becoming a thing. A thing like them, broken and sad. Silent and angry. Bitter and afraid. They are becoming a thing. Caring, soft, elegant."</p>
            </blockquote>





	you've been lonely (too long)

**Author's Note:**

> http://8tracks.com/adampxrrish/you-ve-been-lonely-too-long
> 
> i did a fanmix to go with this tiny thingy

They lay awake in Adam's shitty bed and Ronan still can't always process the fact that this is it, this is happening, they are becoming  _a thing._ Adam feels warm next to him and his head is getting closer to his shoulder and soon enough he will lay on top of him with his hand splayed on his chest. It is slow but at the same time it goes too fast. He still feels like he has a ton of things to tell Adam. He wants to apologise, he needs to tell him he didn't want to be too late. He wants to yell at him, to ask him why he chose to let something like that happen. Would Adam have let his father kill him if Ronan hadn't been there? Or would he have say stop at some point? Did Adam beg when things were becoming too hard or did he remain silent? Ronan wants to know, but Adam's nightmares seem more frightening than his and each whimper, each scream is a slash across his heart and maybe the truth will be too much to bear.

Adam remains remotely silent about a lot of things. Ronan doesn't know how he feels about not being able to hear with his left ear anymore. He notices how he slightly shifts his position sometimes to hear the softest sounds, he notices how he sometimes touches his ear with small taps and how his mouth becomes thinner and how his eyes become darker and he knows he doesn't feel anything anymore. And sometimes Ronan covers his left ear with his palm and tries to imagine what Adam goes through but it will never feel the same.

 

Adam doesn't explain the scars. Ronan only saw them for the first time a few nights ago, and the result had been scratched knuckles following several punches against the wall. Only Adam's callused yet soft hands on his shoulder had stopped him. Ronan is so incredibly angry because he remembers Niall Lynch, he remembers being loved and he remembers how safe he felt once. And it's unfair that someone took that from him but it's even more unfair that Adam never felt that way.

 

Adam doesn't explain his mood shifts nor his sudden silences nor the way he drifts off sometimes. Ronan starts to understand though, he has known him for quite a long time now, and anyway he knows better than to push him.

Adam sleeps one night with his head on his shoulder, curled up by his side and warm and all night he doesn't make a sound, so Ronan assumes that finally he doesn't have any nightmare. He is relieved, because Adam seems a bit more alive in the morning and his eyes are slightly brighter.

 _He is still broken, he will probably always be, but Ronan thinks that some bits are healing and getting fixed. It feels great, he feels useful -finally._ One day, he whispers that he is sorry. Adam doesn't ask what exactly he feels sorry for, nor does he answer, but it's OK because Ronan knows that somehow he knows. He knows about Kavinsky and how he hated him but wanted to save him -so badly- and failed. He knows about the fights he had with Gansey, because he wanted Adam to stop pretending to be a hero and fucking accept the help they were so willing to give him. He knows about each crack in his heart that was opened by each bruise on Adam's skin. And he knows that Ronan snaps and swears, hits and slams, stares and presses buttons, but that Ronan cares. And if he knows that, then it's all good and they can do it.

They are becoming a thing. A thing like them, broken and sad. Silent and angry. Bitter and afraid. They are becoming a thing. **Caring, soft, elegant.** They are becoming a thing and Adam feels warmer than he has ever felt, even when Blue had smiled for the first time to him. Ronan's fingers are curious on his skin and his lips are hungry but not too much and kissing him feels good and they fit. Adam is not happy, he still feels hollow and empty and the ghost of his father haunts him. But Ronan is real, Ronan is here, and it's starting to be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> hi there! so uhm that's it  
> it was pretty short? but i enjoyed writing it a lot and i hope you enjoyed reading it (leave kudos if you did?? *-*)  
> it will maybe be part of an upcoming series i started to write  
> i'm not an english native speaker so let me know if there are any mistakes! 
> 
> title was taken from dust to dust by the civil wars  
> you can talk to me there: http://adampxrrish.tumblr.com/ or on twitter @lehnsherrik
> 
> bye lovelies ♥


End file.
